Led Mayd Me Stoopid
I’m an early Baby Boomer. I grew up with lead everywhere,
which must explain my stupidity.
When I was born, nearly all
gasoline contained lead. I remember how I liked the smell of gasoline fumes and
exhaust fumes. My dad told me that these fumes would make me sick. I didn’t
intentionally sniff the stuff after I learned that. But a person has to
breathe, so I probably got an average amount of lead from automotive emissions.
When I was little, all paint was
oil-based and about half of the paint contained lead. I remember being about
five and seeing painters use an electric coil to heat paint to the point of
smoking before they scraped the paint off. I remember the smell of burning
paint.
House gutters were soldered together
by hand 60 years ago. I remember watching a workman do this. He used some kind
of little stove to heat his iron, then joined the sheet metal and melted the
solder into the joints. I thought this was very cool. And of course, I was
exposed to some lead in the air.
Tinsel was once metal instead of
plastic. Some of that tinsel was made of lead. I can remember lead tinsel from
when I was about eight. The tinsel had to be lead – it was heavy and soft, and
it melted and smoked when I dropped it across the tracks for my model train. I
think the first time that happened, it was accidental, but it was so much fun
to watch that I often did it intentionally.
During the same period as the
tinsel experiments, my friends and I thought guns were great. We weren’t
allowed near any real guns – my parents wouldn’t have one, and the other
parents, if they had guns, certainly kept their children away from them. But we
got vicarious satisfaction from collecting used bullets. Close to our
neighborhood were shooting ranges related to a military school. We often went
to these locations to gather the discarded brass casings. We also liked to dig
in the target areas for the slugs, which were full of lead.
Copper plumbing used
lead-containing solder until 1986. I don’t know what kinds of pipes were used
in any of the homes I had as child, but if there were copper pipes, they were joined
with lead-based solder.
Ink used to print books contained
lead. I’ve always been an avid reader, so if there was lead in these poisonous
publications, I absorbed more than the average child. My parents probably
should have bought a TV instead of these vile tomes.
I was apparently exposed to a
great deal of lead as a child. So I must be stupid.
How stupid am I? I only skipped
one grade in elementary school. I didn’t make a perfect score on the SAT – didn’t
even get within 100 points. I wasn’t the valedictorian of my college class – in
fact, I just barely avoided cum laude. The full-ride fellowship I got to
graduate school was used, not brand new. Despite two interviews for Jeopardy!, I’ve
never been picked for the show. I’m so thick I’m sick, and so sick I’m thick.
I guess we really DO need to be hysterical about the
slightest trace of lead. We need to
force landlords to disclose what they know about lead paint on their property.
Landlords must supply a 19-page
brochure to tenants. Toys must not contain one
atom of lead. Lead must disappear
from ink. Billions must be spent on EPA bureaucrats, and billions in compliance
cost of regulations must continue, nay, accelerate!
If even one child is saved from my horrible
fate, all the expense and loss of freedom are worth it.
Labels: environment, lead in children, regulation
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