A Modest Proposal for Certain Assault Weapons
Anti-gun people like to remind us
that when the Bill of Rights was adopted, the Second Amendment referred to
muzzle-loading arms such as muskets. But tools for the First Amendment’s
guarantees of freedom of speech and the press were equally primitive by today’s
standards: a person’s voice within earshot of another person, a quill pen, or a
manual printing press. Furthermore, delivery of anything written or printed was
accomplished by human, animal or sail power.
Technology for transmitting
writing and spoken words improved over time. In the early 19th
century, steam began to power ships and railroads. The telegraph came into
being about the middle of the century, allowing messages to be sent and received
as fast as the telegraphers could click their keys. By the 1880s, telephones
became available. In the 1890s, linotype machines began to replace the old
printing presses. The use of typewriters was also beginning about that time.
The early 20th century brought instant, widespread transmission of
words via the new medium of radio, and by mid-century, television was common.
Although personal communication
had become somewhat easier by the 1950s, it wasn’t until the 1980s, when
personal computers and networking became relatively cheap, that an individual
could easily send messages to a wide audience. Today, anybody with a computer,
tablet or smart phone can send or publish his ideas to thousands or even
millions of people. The founders of our nation never imagined the communication
power that untrained, non-professional writers would have.
Our Founding Fathers understood
the power of words, even though the dissemination of ideas was at a much more
leisurely pace than today. In 1796, Thomas Jefferson wrote in a letter to
Thomas Paine: "Go on doing with your pen what in other times was done with
the sword." And we have seen the damage bad ideas can do. The writings of
Marx, the ravings of Hitler and the repressive rhetoric of Mao led to about 100
million deaths during the 20th century.
Nowadays, a single individual
with a computer has more power to publish ideas than the entire world did in
the final years of the 18th century. One person can spread ideas to
millions of people at the speed of light. Certainly, nobody who intends to use
free speech peaceably needs the kind of power today’s assault-word weapons
have. Therefore, I offer the following modest proposal of new regulations to
ensure improved public safety.
1. All
computers with a processor capacity of 32 and 64 bits will be outlawed. 16 bit
processors are powerful enough for law-abiding citizens to exercise their nonviolent
free speech.
2. Computer
memory will be limited to 640 kilobytes. No person who intends to use a
computer peacefully needs the billions of bytes available in high-capacity
computers.
3. All
computer mice will be confiscated and replaced with government-approved
battery-powered cordless mice. These will be limited to 10 clicks, after which
the user must remove and replace the batteries to get another 10 clicks.
4. Email
clients must immediately be upgraded by the software providers to limit the
number of rounds (recipients) to 10 per message. If the sender tries to send to
more than 10, all addresses after the 10th will be removed. It will
be a minor inconvenience for an email user to send messages round to 10 people
at a time.
5. Internet
web site software must also be changed to limit the number of clicks per page
to 10. This will help protect against those lawless users who failed to replace
their mice with the legal 10-click limited ones.
6. Users
of smart phones and tablets must upgrade their software to the 10-click limit
for their virtual clicking devices.
7. Users
of smart phones and tablets must also obtain concealed-carry permits to keep
these devices on their persons. The fees, training and reciprocity for such
permits will be left up to the states.
8. All
persons convicted of violating these new laws will receive a mandatory minimum
sentence of 10 years and 100,000 hand-written words of contrition.
Because of the
power of language, assault-word weapons must be restricted even more than others.
The common-sense restrictions I propose clearly do not violate the Founders’
intent for the First Amendment. For individuals, this means hunting &
pecking, and common-sense limits on clicking. These changes merely protect the
innocent while still allowing law-abiding citizens to communicate with far more
power than the Founding Fathers with their quill pens and printing presses.
These unneeded, deadly, overpowered weapons must go!
Labels: assault, ban, bill of rights, weapons
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